Who knew a pair of words could traumatize one to such an extent? There are a whole bunch of scary words out there. So why are these two so high up the list for me?
Well I guess part of it has to do with the fact that I’m a senior in high school who’s been trying to work on just that—college apps.
Although I have some knowledge of the college application process from an English research assignment a bit earlier this school year, I still have this irrational fear of it. I’ve talked to a multitude of people about how much I dread working on college applications. And to be honest, most of the feedback I get regarding the application tends to go along the lines of “it’s not too bad.” Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. More often than not, I don’t believe them. No matter how many “you’ll be fine”s I get, college apps still scare me. I do have a reason for this unreasonable fear, however.
I have an education counselor who I meet with on occasion—about once or twice a month—to talk about my academics. Prior to this summer, the talks would always concern school stuff—grades, SAT scores and the like. But since my completion of junior year and the arrival of my SAT scores, these meetings have been about my least favorite topic. College this, higher education that.
My counselor emphasizes the importance of college all the time—how I need to make an activities list using “active verbs,” how I need to write colorful essays about myself, how I need to have a nice résumé. And every meeting, she gives me some tasks to have complete by the next meeting, perhaps an activities list draft or a college essay outline. Sometimes I have them done, sometimes I don’t. When the latter occurs, I’m subject to a torrent of words which I can only understand as “this is the most important thing in your life, and you’re doing it wrong” at my meeting. Don’t get me wrong. She only wants good for me. But I just I think this is where the fear comes from.
The idea that college is “everything there is to life” has been indoctrinated in me. The ease with which I can screw up the application to “everything there is to life,” terrifies me.
Howard
UCLA
Ceaseless Development 